Dec 29, 2018
It all began when I was having troubles in my marriage.
After graduating from college, I got married to my girlfriend at the time and we moved overseas to Germany. Problems began happening almost right away. You see, I became a different person almost overnight... My now-Wife felt trapped in a new situation with a person that she felt she no longer recognized. It was as if I had transformed from a kind, well-meaning, and relatively "put together" person into a scared child practically in the blink of an eye. Over the course of a few weeks, I became increasingly selfish, self-centered, and borderline neglectful of my partner. Alone in a new country, she felt helpless.
I blamed my new job.
I thought it was all the fault of this 9-5 lifestyle that "forced" me to wakeup early, go to a job that I hated, and come home frustrated. I blamed everyone but myself. At the end of every day at the office, I would come home to my Wife in a terrible mood and take out my frustrations on the relationship. Typically, I would either come home and rant about my day or I would just stew silently while she made an attempt to have a good time and a "normal" relationship with her husband. Over time, she began to speak up about what was happening and how she felt. When she told me, I felt terrible. I felt like I had wounded the most important person in my life.
I would promise to change and then immediately go back to the same pattern.
I would make excuses for why we did not have a good sexual relationship.
I would constantly think of myself, my own needs, and not even realize what emotional support looked like in a relationship.
It wouldn't change until I found the Psychedelic Mushroom and began to journey into the psychedelic world regularly... This is what saved my life.
Want to read more about this journey? Check out this post on the blog: